My Swirling Vortex of Entropy

In which I will NOT feel sorry for myself

I have an appointment to get my mammogram today. Yippee! Nothin’ better than getting the "girls" squashed. I have this vision in my head of my poor little boobies in the shape of paper plates. OUCH! For me the whole process is complicated by the fact that I barely have any breasts to flatten. Remember? I’m the girl who gets turned away at the fitting room door in Victoria’s Secret.

"Sorry Ma'am – we don’t make that pretty bra in a size so small – try 'kids R us'. Suzie, doesn’t Garanimals make a real cute training bra in pink? You could try that. Sorry lady.”

Last year the mammogram technician upon viewing my “assets” said – “Hmmm … Well … Ah … Okay, lets give this a try!”

Very funny – yeeeaaahhh!

BUT – on a serious note: today I will subject my itty bitties to “die maschine” without whining, complaining or feeling sorry for myself. Today I will “step up” without fear or trepidation. I won’t allow myself to pout because tomorrow my younger cousin is undergoing a double mastectomy. Her prognosis is excellent, and we have every reason to believe that she will make a full recovery and live a long and cancer free life after her surgery. But still ...

It just seems like a good idea to appreciate the fact that I have access to a mammogram, and the doctors and technicians to gather and interpret the information needed to keep me healthy. Dreading the procedure seems a little childish today – so I bravely and without hesitation prepare for the event.

How ‘bout you ladies? Had your mammogram yet this year?

DO IT!!!!

Dreams can be so freaky

There are times when I wake up nearly smothering in an unexplainable feeling of dread. Something awful has happened, or is about to happen. I’m in danger and I need to run. Fast. At these times I usually reach for The Man. The simple act of resting my hand on his chest calms me down. I’m not alone. He is there. I am safe.

Last night I had a scary dream. In the dream we were sleeping in a hotel room, and I heard a noise. I dreamed that I woke The Man and he went toward the door to be sure that no one had broken into our hotel room. A big spooky figure came flying through the room and disappeared into the darkness. I could feel it crouching beside the bed, more demon than human. I heard The Man cuss. I screamed – “Is there someone in here?” The Man hollered, “YES! – Get out now!” But in this dream I’m too scared to move – all I could do is lay there paralyzed with fright. By this time the psychic security software in my cranial hard drive had kicked in and I knew that I was dreaming. However, in real life I was also so frightened that I could not move. Half asleep I was breathing hard and tears were sliding down my cheeks.

That is when I felt The Man’s hand slide across the sheets and come to rest on my hip. I whimpered “scary dream” – he pulled me closer to him and once again I was safe. He was there.

And sometimes it's absolutely embarrassing how NOT scary a scary dream can sound when described the next day.

I'm tired today

If I hadn’t promised myself that I would never blog about work I could tell ya’ll a really good story – but I can’t. I can’t tell you. But I wish I could. And I’m tired today because of what I can’t tell you.

Sorry, that wasn’t very nice.

So I’m gonna focus on the fact that two weeks from tomorrow I’ll be on a plane to Florida. And I’ll focus on the fact that this morning I tried on a new swimming suit that I’d ordered, and it didn’t make me cry. It’s kinda cute – and I’m not looking half bad for a 46-year-old woman. And I’ll focus on the fact that The Man told me I’m not half bad lookin’ when compared to women half my age. That was very sweet of him if not totally accurate. But I can focus on that. Instead of more snow in my back yard, and the event that made me tired, that I can’t talk about. Because I don’t/won’t blog about work.

So maybe after getting my hair foiled and a nap I’ll feel less tired.

What is the nicest compliment you’ve ever received?

Hmmmm?

There have been a few –

Perhaps the most recent compliment to touch my heart deeply was the lovely little gift I received from my friend’s daughter.

Three year old CC and I are in line to ride the carousel at the Mall of America. She turns to me, throws her arms around my neck, hooks her little chin onto my shoulder, and whispers into my ear. “I just LOVE you!” Awww!

My friend, CC’s mother, is one of the sweetest people I know. She is a pure soul; free of any malice what so ever. To have her introduce me as her “best friend” is quite an honor.

The other day my cousin said that I am a good story teller. That made me feel good.

And then – This one in January. My mother in law and I had just finished a glorious day of sight seeing in Las Vegas. She turns to me and says – “You sure make it easy to love you”.
Wow! To me - that’s huge.
I think that if I could choose to be anything – that would be it …
Easy to love.

I must be doing something right.

What about you? What’s the nicest compliment you’ve ever received?

One thing:

I was searching the web for writing prompts. I found this question.

If you could have one thing in this world without paying for it, what would it be?

My answer – A talent. A glorious, remarkable talent.
Something that I could do so well that people would say “Wow! She’s incredible!”
Have you seen her dance?
Have you heard her sing?
Did you taste that dish she made?
Do you own any of her paintings?
Her photography is stunning.
Did you read her latest book?
Have you heard her play the piano?
I finally bought one of her sculptures.
You should see her gardens.

Just a little something to make me special.
Something I do well enough to lift me from obscurity.
I don’t want to be invisible.
I would love to be more than ordinary.